man.

I haven't been dreaming again..i dont know. I handed in my applications and stuff yesterday so im hoping i get a job soon. I really need one, i dont want to have to worry about my money and just save up to help pay for my car and gas and everything.

Anywho, i started thinking about him again. I can't help that he always comes across my mind every so often. I drove by his house today also, always wondering if he's home or not, but i haven't spoken to him for over a week already, the longest i've ever kept from speaking to him. I mean, not much to talk about anymore, he's moved on with his new girlfriend and everything, and im just left here in the same spot that he left me a month ago, wondering what's gonna come between us. Before his new girlfriend, it seemed like we would at least be able to stay friends, things were fine, not awkward at all. Now things aren't awkward, but we just dont talk as much, and i always feel like i need to do something to try and save our friendship, just text him a hello or something, but then my mind is just telling me he should be the one to talk to me first. I miss everything. Good Morning texts, late night conversations, "i love you"s, just everything. Especially how our relationship was when we first started. How did everything just go downhill. I still have feelings for him, honestly not as strong as they use to be though, i guess its cause im trying to move on some how but still, i cant help but think about him. I know i still have all my feelings for him inside me, just hiding somewhere. I can never just get rid of him, he's just a huge part of me. I don't know what's gonna happen though. I don't know if he and his girlfriend are going to work out or whatever. I hate how every time we talk somehow she pops up in the conversation and i feel like im getting slapped in the face over and over, but anyways, he told me that if he and his gf dont work out, he would think about giving me another chance. i don't know whats gonna happen though.

I hate that i love you. Well...i dont know if i hate it.