hopeless.

so, i finally was able to bring Landon his brownies. i had a little chat with him also.

we were talking about how lucky he has become and everything and how i was getting all the bad luck. how his life was going up hill while my life was crashing. how he's suddenly being more positive, while im becoming such a pesimist. i guess the start of his lucky streak happened when he got rid of me.

we started talking about our future then. basically our jobs and such. he going to tokyo, and becoming and artist. me. nothing.

i've come to realize i really have no goals or dreams or anything. i did..well i still do..but they all involved landon. when he came into my life i really had a sense of reality and actual reason, but now..my dreams are all hopeless.

he's telling me not to be standard. how can i not be when the one thing i live for is with someone else.

this summer was suppose to be the best summer of my life. finally being able to see him more and just spend more time together and everything. why did we have to end. why did he have to go and date that korean. why.

college is basically for my parents. not even myself. i just plan on getting through school just like i did high school. trying alil but not actually putting 100% into it. of course i'll still stick with the good grades and everything but i wont really have a passion for it or anything. i have a passion for landon. i live for landon. why did all of this have to happen.

i told him to help me try to figure out my life. i cant do it on my own. i need to figure out what to do with my life.

im studying business just cause i have no interest in anything else and i guess business is the basic thing i can do. im good at math and such so why not.

my life is pathetic.