Im back here again. Back to where it all started. Crying over him again. I thought i would be okay but im not. I miss him. I love him. I miss everything. His hugs, his kisses, the way he would just comfort me and everything. All our time together. All our memories. I know he doesnt miss me and he doesnt love me anymore, but why? I never did anything to deserve this. All i did was love him. I would do anything for him.

I wish you guys were here. I need someone to help get my mind off of everything.

i hate being disappointed. i hate crying. i hate it when it's not the first time and only time. i hate that i know that i will be disappointed again and again.

i probably wouldn't be this upset if it was any other night and i could probably just see him the next day, however, this was probably the last night i could hang out with him in a while and he knew i wanted to spend the day with him. i gave him another chance and wanted to spend at least a couple of hours with him in the morning today until i had to go through hell for the rest of the week. i honestly don't think that's going to happen. disappointment once again. i wonder if he is gonna even try to make it up to me.

i'm so excited! im gonna start creating my munnies (: i went out and spent about $60 on art supplies including paints, paint brushes and some organization materials. i then went home and started cleaning my desk so its now clean and i have space for my work. im just so excited to start creating my munnies. just feeling the brand new brushes and looking at the wonderful colors of paint gets me all hyped up! (:

the past has passed.

I've been sitting in my room for quite sometime today and only a few minutes ago did I realize it was raining out. The sound of the rain hitting the window sounds really nice right about now. It calms and relaxes me.

So I just started talking to Angela on fb after a really long time and I realized I have completely forgotten about this blog. I guess the whole college thing took over.

Its been two semesters and it isn't all that bad, aside from the workload and huge breaks that I have in between classes. I've met a lot of amazing people at CCNY and I really hope I never lose them. Its scary how close people can get within a few months.

Rudy- He's like my go-to-friend. He's extremely funny and whenever I'm on break he's the first one I try to find. When I need to rant, he's the one i IM/text. He's the perfect person to talk to and run to for a hug whenever you need one. I love him for that.

Johanna- I haven't seen her since 2nd semester started and I miss her like crazyyy! We'd have these weir convos about tutu and we'd text each other when we're 3 ft away from each other in class. I still think its funny that we talk about tutu in front of his face and he still doesn't know its him. We'll just keep it like that for now(:

People I've met this semester:

Shana- Met her through fb actually before the semester started. I love our mornings in the library when we'd just sit on the couches and act dumb. It just too early, 9 in the morning its a crazy time to be in the school library.

Felipe-ROFL this blog thinks I spelled his name wrong and 'Feline' was suggested. Anyway, met him in chem lecture through a friend. He can be a butt at times, but still bearable. I usually end up finding him during my breaks too, in the library, being a bum.

I guess for the first time in a really long time, I don't really like anyone and I can actually concentrate on school work. I'm not gonna lie I had a crush here and there but it was nothing compared to how things used to be for me. Maybe its because I've 'grown up' and went past that little phase where I let little things take over my life. Whatever it may be, either way it has helped me a lot. I don't cry anymore, I'm not in that depressed state where being sad was all I thought about day and night. For some reason I kinda miss the way I used to be. I'm not so sure why, but I really hope I don't go back to that phase ever again.

Things just get weirder and weirder everyday for me. I just wonder when is it going to get to the point where even I'm completely clueless to it.

wow, its been so long since i last wrote in this thing. ive been writing in my xanga blog more now. i dont know i just do i guess.

anywho, i guess just a recap. landon and i are back together and even more in love than before i guess you can say, but i hate days like these when he suddenly ditches me. that always dissapoints me but i dont know. im sad i'll tell you that but hopefully he'll make it up to me.

today is my first day of my period also so im starving. i need to get myself some food. i wouldve eatten already since i was suppose to go eat with landon but noooo he had to stop by andres first with his new carr and now i dont even get to see him until who knows when. ugh.

yeah i dont know, my mind is going crazy now. maybe i'll just go get some food. maybe i'll wait. i dont know. landon why dont you call or text me please.